Pure Guilt
by dieselsbabe
Summary: Sequel to 'Tainted Innocence'. This is my take on what happened AFTER Pitch Black. R
1. Default Chapter

******Here it is!  The sequel to 'Tainted Innocence'.******

**Pure Guilt**

Chapter 1 

"Hey Eden.  You really need to get out."  Holly came over to my desk looking cheerful as always.  Hmmmm, getting out.  Not really something I've wanted to do.  There really isn't anything out there for me.  Who knows, maybe there really is but I just don't want to go look.  It's been over three months since Riddick walked out my door and it still feels like it was yesterday.  Of course the pain has eased, leaving me feeling hollow…completely empty.  I will never forget the look in his eyes before he left.  Like there was no recognition of me at all but I can't blame him for it.  The real Riddick doesn't know me; the real Riddick has never touched me, kissed me, or protected me.  So, to him, it was easy to put it all behind him and disappear.  I haven't even heard from Darren, which I can't say is too unusual.  He'll show up eventually when he needs another favor.  I have a feeling though, that anything I do for him from now on will be with little or no emotional commitment from me…I hope.  I think I've told myself that before and look where it got me.

When Riddick showed up that fateful night I found something in myself and when he left…I lost something.  I'm glad I was able to catch a glimpse of what good really is, of how things could be in some other time and place but it made it that much harder to lose him, made it so much harder to go on without him, on my own.

"I'm too busy to get out," I finally replied after thinking for a moment.  I could see by the look on her face that she wasn't convinced but I knew she wouldn't argue.  I've been pretty solemn lately, more than usual, and after a few weeks of asking and hearing my same answer that nothing was wrong, they all learned to deal with my new mood.  So, Holly wished me a good night and went back to her desk.  I packed up a few things so I could leave myself and wearily got up from my chair and headed back to my quiet empty apartment.

********************

I guess I wasn't really thinking too hard or maybe I was thinking too much while I was climbing up the steps to the outside entrance to my place because when I saw the young boy sitting in front of my door it startled me and I dropped my stuff.  He immediately looked up and rushed over to help me gather my things.

"Hi," he said in an unusually high voice.

"Hi," I responded before standing back up.  He was staring at me with big blue eyes, looking as if he wanted to ask me something but there was a quiet fear radiating from him.  "Is there something I can help you with?"  I asked in a tone as non-threatening as possible.  He finally looked away, behind him, behind me, before focusing on me again.

"Uh, I was wondering if me and a friend could crash here for a few nights."  I couldn't keep the confused look from creeping onto my face and the boy began to look nervous.

"Why here?"  I asked.  What would make him come to my apartment, to me?  I've never seen him around before so I couldn't imagine why he decided on here.  I had to wonder if Darren had something to do with it.  I wouldn't be surprised.  But there was something in those eyes that I couldn't deny.  Pain.  I've seen that kind of pain before.  This boy had gone through some serious stuff, probably seen things he should never have seen.  Maybe I'm just lonelier than I thought because I decided to let him stay with me.

"A few nights should be okay," I said as I straightened the things I was carrying and reached in my pocket for my keys.  He brightened at my welcome and turned to grab his old and ripped backpack from the ground.

"I'll go get my friend," he said before rushing down the stairs.  I watched him go until I couldn't see him anymore.

"What am I doing?"  I asked myself out loud as I opened the door and stepped into the heavy silence just as a breeze kicked up outside, making me shiver.  Maybe it wouldn't be too bad to have some company for a few days.  Just maybe the noise would drown out my thoughts.  I'm sure I was only asking for trouble but I guess I didn't really care.

I started putting my things away in the same old routine I had set to keep my sanity.  My files went on my desk, my jacket and shoes in my bedroom closet; I pulled back the covers on my bed, made sure I had my clothes ready for the morning, then wandered to the kitchen to make some tea and check the news on my hand held ComSystem.  

As the tea was cooling I scrolled through the latest news not really seeing anything of interest; it just kept my mind busy so I wouldn't think of anything or anyone.  I brought the cup to my lips when I was startled by a knock on my door.  Probably the boy, back with his friend.  I let out a loud exhale, got up from the kitchen table and headed for the living room.  When I pulled open the door the boy was standing there with a smile on his face but for some reason it didn't fit.  I tried guessing his age; fourteen or fifteen and the smile made him look feminine but the large hand that slowly settled on his shoulder was anything but.  

My eyes came to rest on the long strong fingers, moving up the forearm to the well sculpted bicep and I could feel my heart racing at the similarity of skin color of this person with someone I knew very well but at the same time knew nothing about.  The dark T-shirt hid the muscles in his shoulders but I could still see they were there.  I was afraid to continue up, afraid I wouldn't see what I was hoping so bad to see.  But no, my eyes continued on their path, passing over a strong jaw, full lips, and finally locking on the dark goggles covering what I knew hid liquid silver eyes.

I felt like someone punched me in the gut, knocking the breath from my lungs.  There was no way in hell Riddick was standing in front of me.  I didn't understand how he could be here and why and what was he doing with this boy and where did all the air go and what was that sound blaring in my ears.  It wasn't until the boy put his hand on my arm that I snapped out of my runaway thoughts.  But it didn't help me form coherent words; I only stepped aside and let them in.

I was fighting an inner battle and I knew what side would win.  I didn't feel complete after Riddick left and a small, or maybe it was a major part of me, wanted to fill in the emptiness now that he was back.  But then again, I didn't want to have to go through all the pain again when he walked back out that door because I knew he would.

My hands were shaking uncontrollably as I shut the door.  I didn't turn around; I just stood there staring at the wood, down at my hand still grasping the doorknob, anything to try and keep my focus steady.

"Jack," Riddick's deep voice rumbled through my body.  I listened intently, closing my eyes so I could feel the vibrations.  "Go put your stuff in Eden's room.  You'll sleep there."  I'm not sure why it surprised me that Riddick knew my name but it did.  I guess I was forgetting that when he was here the last time he wasn't stupid, his mind was just lost.

I could hear Jack walking down the hall to my room.  The battle raged inside.  So, he was gonna come in here and start taking over, making me feel again and then leave.  I don't think so.  I got up the courage and enough anger to turn around and face him, to tell him that he wasn't going to turn my world upside again but when I did I immediately noticed he had removed his goggles and those bitterly cold glowing eyes were staring right back at me.  I felt my knees go weak as my whole body remembered the warmth and humanity that once resided there.  I searched and searched, hoping I would find it again and there was a glimmer of something but I can't say for sure what it was.  

He was standing there so still that he didn't seem real.  I wanted to run to him and throw my arms around him but I also wanted to pound on him, get out all my frustrations.  The two conflicting sides kept my feet firmly planted.

I was almost grateful when Jack came back in the room, drawing Riddick's attention away from me.  His features softened as Jack joined him at his side.  Riddick ran one of his hands over Jack's head and chuckled quietly.

"Gonna need to shave this soon," he said.  I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  What exactly was Riddick's relationship to this kid?

"Hold on," I said, very surprised by the strength of my voice.  "I can't have this kind of shit going on in my house.  You two wanna be together like that, you're gonna have to do it somewhere else."  They both turned to me at the same time.  Jack was blushing furiously and Riddick laughed, letting his hand drop away from the boy.  What the hell was so funny?  As that thought ran through my head Riddick started approaching me.  I was nearly knocked back by the invisible force of his body; of the heat and scent I was so comfortable and familiar with.

"Come on Eden," he whispered as he leaned in close, his voice rough and sensual.  "You're smarter than that."  I looked him in the eyes and tried to read him, tried to read his thoughts but they were guarded.  "I don't go for girls that young."  My brow furrowed in confusion and I looked around his arm to the boy…no, girl standing behind him.  Now I could see it.  The voice and the smile now matched.  The long slender fingers, the big blue eyes and long eyelashes, the slender body hidden behind baggy clothes.  I must really be out of it to not notice something like that.  It was so obvious now.

Riddick's low deep laughter brought me back to him.  I stared defiantly at him, trying to not let it get to me.  He laughed at my reaction to the truth.  He liked the fact that I was uncomfortable…that I had been wrong.

I stepped back and moved around Riddick, managing to hold up my well-developed front.  "You guys could probably use some sleep…and so could I."  Not that I was going to get any.  So I turned my back on them and walked down the hall.  Something in the back of my mind made me suddenly worried about turning my back on Riddick.  It must have been something I heard, something about no one ever turning there back on him; that it was too dangerous.  I reached my room without any harm and paused outside to hear what Riddick was saying to Jack.

"I'll be right here, kid," Riddick said quietly.  "You need anything…you can come to me."

Those simple words squeezed my heart until tears came to my eyes.  It was something I expected to hear from the Riddick that **I** knew not the one I caught a brief glimpse of three months ago just before he left.  There were no other words but Jack didn't appear in the hallway for a few very long minutes.  I wondered if she was hugging him and he was holding her tightly to let her know that he would always be there for her.  Or maybe she was just making sure he was all set before she headed off to bed.  Either way, they were there a lot longer than I had thought they would be.

I went into my room feeling more exhausted than I had in the longest time yet more revived than I have ever felt before.  I was also starting to itch with the need to go back down that hall and through myself in his arms.  But no, I resisted the urge and got ready for bed, which proved to be almost too much to handle for my exhausted mind and body even though it was pretty early.  It didn't matter.  I've been working long hours and keeping myself busy enough that it left no spare time.  And that meant no spare time to think.

Jack entered the room as I was climbing into bed and she smiled as she rummaged through her backpack.

"So," I began to say but wasn't sure where to go with it.  "Uh, how did you two meet?"  Jack finished getting dressed and jumped onto the bed.

"We were on a ship together that crashed on this planet.  There were quite a few of us but only three of us made it"

"What happened?"

"Well, there was this cop guy that had caught Riddick and was transporting him back to Slam…"

"Whoa, Riddick was caught?"  When Jack said that my heart nearly stopped.  If he only would have stayed with me, even if it was for just a little longer he wouldn't have been caught.

"Yeah, we were traveling on the Hunter-Gratzner in a ghost lane when we were hit by a comet or something."  My mind was going crazy; thoughts were flying all over the place.  I remember hearing something about the Hunter-Gratzner on the news shortly after Riddick had left but they said there were no survivors.  Apparently they were wrong.  It all made sense.  That day when all I could think about was Riddick, how heavy my heart felt and how sad I had suddenly become.  He was in distress and I felt it.

"When we crashed there were 11 of us that survived but there were these creatures that came out at night and there was…" I watched her bright blue eyes cloud over and grow dark with the memory, "an eclipse," she finished saying, looking away from me.

My heart sank.  The terror she must have witnessed and to think Riddick was there as well.  He could have been one of those that didn't make it.  Not something I wanted to think about.

"Our only chance was Riddick because he can see in the dark."  Her gaze shifted back to me and I could feel her sadness.  "But we weren't sure if he would help us or leave us."  There was a different kind of pain that washed over her now.  Guilt of some kind.

"When he did help us I told him that I never had a doubt…but I did."  She dropped her head forward so I couldn't see her face and started trembling.  I put my hand gently on her shoulder.

"It's okay, Jack," I consoled.  "It's hard to really trust someone you just met."  Jack laid back on the pillows and I went with her.

"Sometimes I dream about them.  About the people.  About the monsters."  I found Jack's hand under the blankets and she squeezed it tightly.  "And sometimes I wake up wondering if Riddick is still here or if he's left me."  Her voice got quieter and sadder with every word.  I knew exactly how she felt.  Every day I was with Riddick I had the fear that it was the last.  That I would wake up and he would be long gone.  It kinda happened that way too.  I wasn't sure what to say to her.  I couldn't tell her that he would stick around because there's no reason for me to actually believe that.

So, Riddick helped these people on that planet.  Even though he couldn't help them all at least he tried.  Made me wonder about this new Riddick who was now sleeping on my couch.  It was hard to connect the two sides; the humane Riddick and the animal Riddick.  Was there a chance that they both found a common ground?  Maybe he was finally letting out the part of him that I know even if it was just a little bit.  Only time will tell.


	2. Chapter 2

**Pure Guilt**

Chapter 2 

When I woke up this morning I felt normal, felt as is everything was as it should be.  That is until I rolled onto my back and my arm bumped into something warm and soft.  It all came back to me in a flash…the night before, Riddick stepping through my door just like he did not so long ago, the girl with him named Jack…and all those old feelings I had for Riddick came slamming back into me.  But with him, he also brought that feeling of danger, an intensity that so fit with the news descriptions of what Riddick really was.  It made me wonder about the sanity of the girl he had with him.  Did she not know who she was tagging along with and where it could all lead?

I turned my head to the side and took a look at this girl sleeping next to me and for the life of me I couldn't even imagine what she was still doing with him and why he was keeping her with him.  

Slowly and almost painfully, I pulled myself out of bed, gathered my things and headed for the shower.  The apartment was very quiet and I made as little noise as possible…showered, pulled back the mass of curls into a loose long braid, dressed, decided to skip breakfast, and headed down the hall to the living room.  I stopped just short of entering, suddenly afraid to have to pass by Riddick for some reason.  It made sense though.  The Riddick in there was someone I didn't know.  He was new to me and I was going to have to start all over with the relationship and I wasn't even sure I wanted to pursue that, but I could already feel myself being drawn to him.  I was going to fight it this time.

I drew in a deep breath and dared a quick peek into the semi-dark room.  Riddick was on the couch, on his back like I've seen before and I could feel something in the pit of my stomach, an urge of some kind to go to him, to crawl onto that couch with him like I had once before.  But I didn't.  I set my focus on the door and forced my trembling legs to cooperate and move me to that destination.

"Sleep well?"  And I nearly stumbled and fell at the sound of this deep, sultry, rough from sleep, voice.  My hand was on the doorknob but I could feel my body trying to turn in his direction.

"Just fine," I managed to say, forcing my body to not go over to him but I couldn't stop myself from looking.  And there he was, his shining silvery purple eyes moving over me, glowing brightly…coldly.  I could only stand to look for a second before I could feel my heart starting to beat faster.  I have to admit I was nervous but there was something else that I couldn't deny but wanted to.  That same feeling he managed to draw out last time was returning.  The feeling of wanting to be loved by him.  No, I can't go through that again.

"I have to work so I guess I'll see you two later."  He didn't respond he just kept watching me as I opened the door and stepped out into the cool morning.  I couldn't move right off so I leaned against the door and tried to get a hold of myself, tried to calm down and breathe normally.  This was going to be tough but again, I didn't have much choice in the matter.  I couldn't turn him away and especially not now that he had a very young girl with him.

****************

I kept myself as busy as possible at work but I still found my mind drifting, my thoughts going back to Riddick.  Every time that happened I shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts and got back to work.  It couldn't have been a more boring useless day.

When I got to my front door that evening I put the key in and hesitated.  How was all this going to work?  Was Riddick going to just hang around until he decided it was safe for him to move on?  And what about Jack?  Will she be going with him?  Enough…I decided to just ask.  Make them lay it all out on the table and then we could go from there.

I pushed open the door and nearly dropped all my things.  All the furniture in the living room was pushed up to the walls to make the area bigger and Riddick and Jack were in the middle…fighting.

"What the hell is going on here?"  I asked and Jack looked over at me, all big eyes and smiles.  But before she could even respond, Riddick kicked at her leg, right behind her knee and she went down hard.

"Hey!" she protested from her position on the floor.

"You gotta keep your eyes open," Riddick said as he straightened up.

"They were open, I just got distracted."  Riddick shook his head and held his hand out to her.

"There are distractions everywhere, kid but you can't be distracted by them."  Jack mumbled something under her breath as she took his hand and he pulled her to her feet.  

I was frozen in place by Riddick's interaction with Jack.  I never thought he would act this way with someone while he was in his right mind, especially a kid…a girl.

"We didn't break anything."  The sound of Jack's voice brought me back and I noticed they were both staring at me.  "Riddick was just showing me some moves."  I nodded slowly and collected my voice.

"Have you guys eaten?"  I asked.  Jack moved to the other side of Riddick and slapped him on the arm to get his attention.

"We ate.  I think there's some left in there for you," she said as Riddick took on a fighter's stance and they were back at it.  I watched them for a moment, watched how fluidly Riddick moved, how his eyes focused on his target, and the smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth.  Jack was not as graceful but it looked as though she was going to catch on fast.

I walked to the kitchen, leaving behind the sounds of Jack's protests as Riddick knocked her down again.  The kitchen was another surprise.  I assumed it would be a big mess but it wasn't and there was dinner left over for me.  This was too weird.  I stayed in the kitchen and ate, barely tasting the food as my mind wandered aimlessly.  I listened to their fighting, to bodies coming into contact with the floor or each other.  I only hoped Riddick was careful with this girl.  She looked very fragile and it would take very little effort on his part to snap her delicate neck.

After my mind stopped wandering and the sounds quieted down in the living room, I looked down at my plate to see it empty.  I don't even remember eating it all.  So, I turned around to put the dishes in the sink when I felt it.  It was unmistakable.  The charge in the room that made my skin break out in goose bumps.  I couldn't move and I couldn't hear anything.  My ears strained to catch any sound but there was nothing.

I had to mentally convince myself that I was alone in the kitchen and that it was all in my head.  But when I turned around there was solid proof, right there in front of me that told me I was wrong.  Riddick stood just inside the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, goggles firmly in place; watching me with an intense…glare?  If I could see his eyes I would know for sure.  I had no idea what to say or do so I looked right back at him.  Earlier I had plenty of questions for him but I couldn't put any sentences together at the moment.

Riddick was challenging me.  Wanting to see how long I could hold out.  Maybe he was trying to intimidate me, which was working.  I knew I would lose this silent game.  It was only a matter of time before my thoughts came together.

"What happened to you?"  I asked suddenly.  Riddick gave no indication that he heard me and he gave no answer.  "You don't want to talk to me that's your choice," I said in frustration, throwing my hands up.  But just as I had said that there was a ripple in his hard features that threw me off.  Almost like he remembered something.  Something that made him hurt.  I wish it were there a little longer because the look that replaced it was dark and almost angry.  That's not the look I ever wanted to see on this man and when he started toward me, I consciously stepped back until I hit the counter.  Riddick didn't stop until he had invaded my personal space and his body was pressed against mine.

Isn't this what I wanted?  To be touched by him again?  Then why was I so afraid?  Riddick tilted his head and ran his nose down my cheek to my jaw, pausing to take a deep breath before moving lower to my neck.

There must be something seriously wrong with me.  First I'm terrified but as soon as he gets close enough, my blood begins to boil and I start to feel weak with some sort of animal need.  This was completely insane.  My hands were shaking as the need to touch him became overwhelming.  I was proud of myself for holding back but as soon as I felt his teeth nip at the tender skin on my neck…I broke.

My hands immediately sought out his face and I pulled him away from my neck and to my lips.  He didn't seem surprised at all by my actions.  He easily fell into the kiss, pressing hard to my lips.  It wasn't long before his tongue slipped into my mouth and I welcomed it.  I have waited so long to taste him that the sensible side of me was kicked to the curb and all I wanted was this man.  Right here, right now.

I raked my nails down his chest, feeling the deep rumble in my mouth as he groaned.  I went too long without hearing that sound.  For some strange reason I actually welcomed the animal in him.  I wanted to experience this new side of him; wanted it so bad I could feel the animal in myself tearing its way out.  

But like all things, especially when I want them, they must eventually end.  Riddick pulled away from my lips almost reluctantly but there was something else driving him, something else that made him pull away.  It was the real him.  And I was about to get a peek at it.

He chuckled deeply as he looked into my eyes and I could see that he was mocking me, laughing at me.

"Works every time," he whispered before letting me go and backing away.

"You asshole," I bit out, still visibly shaking from the encounter.

"You know," he said calmly as he put his hand on the doorframe and blocked the door with his body as if I would try to leave. "I knew it would be easy, I just didn't know it would be that easy."

Did he just call me easy?  Fuck that.  I'm might be a lot of things but easy isn't one of them.  I stood there in shock, knowing that there would be no way to explain to him what we had going months ago because he wouldn't remember and I'd probably sound like and idiot.

"No argument…I like that," he said, full of humor."  The longer I tried to think of something to say the pointless it got.  I searched the tile on the kitchen floor hoping to find an answer but there was nothing, so I just blurted something out.

"I'm letting you stay here, I don't need any shit from you."  I sounded weak and so pathetic and he knew it.

"Then kick us out," he stated firmly, no humor this time.  I brought my eyes up to his, which were now covered by his dark goggles.  It was like he already knew I wouldn't kick them out.  He wanted the upper hand and god dammit, he had it.  

I stared at him for a long time, not breaking eye contact because I didn't want to appear as weak as I felt.  Right now I would give anything to know what he was thinking, even if it was just one thought, but he was good.  No way in hell was I ever gonna find out anything that was going on in his head if he didn't want me to.

Riddick was the one who gave up the staring game first but as he turned and left the room, he made it look as if he had actually won.  If I would've backed down first it would've looked like I had become submissive and given in.  I can't figure out how he can pull something like that off.

This was my place and my rules but when it came to Riddick, there were no rules and it became his place.  I promised myself after Ned that I would never give in to another man again but it was different with Riddick…wasn't it?


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry this took forever.  I lost the disk this chapter was on and nearly went crazy looking for it.  But I found it just before I started re-writing it so here it is. Pure Guilt 

Chapter 3

I didn't see Riddick the rest of that night, probably because I snuck off to my room and stayed there.  It was still early so I listened to some music, tried to read one of my books, but ended up just lying on the bed staring at the ceiling.  I felt like a prisoner in my own home.

When exactly did I become this way?  Scared and wimpy.  I thought I had grown stronger in his absence, grown stronger because of him.  Well, actually I thought I had grown stronger because of Ned but new situations kept popping up that continued to test my inner strength and I kept thinking that I might have learned something from every experience only to find out that there was a lot more to learn.

Jack and I seemed to be comfortable enough with each other to share my bed, which was nice.  I didn't want to feel strange around everyone staying here.  She was quiet, though.  I had seen the sparkle in her eye but most of the time she was withdrawn, didn't say very much.  I often wondered about her past and maybe I would ask her some time but there's the thing about trust.  It took an amazing amount of trust to open up to someone and tell them your deepest darkest thoughts, and most of the time, especially in this day and age, trust was very hard to earn and very seldom kept.

Not much was said as Jack and I turned in for the night but she snuggled up close to me and fell fast asleep.  I took a daring chance and ran my hand over her head just as Riddick had.  The sensation was familiar and it made my fingers tingle.  I wonder how long she was going to keep it short?  It seemed like she wasn't ready to be a 'girl' yet, as if it wasn't safe enough to reveal who she really was.

No dreams tonight.  I didn't feel a thing, I was so mentally drained that I didn't move all night and probably had the best sleep I've had in a long time.

I tried to continue my routine with a few adjustments, of course.  Gathering my clothes like I did every morning, I headed for the shower.  All was quiet as I thought it would be and as I looked down the gloomy hall I saw nothing.  The sun wasn't up yet but the dreary gray light began seeping through the windows and cracks of the front door.  Something felt different though, like the air had changed, it felt and smelled different but I couldn't put my finger on it.

I put my clothes on the counter in the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.  My eyes weren't revealing what I was feeling; I was too confused.  The heavy silence wasn't revealing anything either as I stepped under the warm spray of water and closed the glass, putting my hands on the wall and letting my chin drop down to my chest.

The night before flashed through my head in quick succession, leaving the warm water to run coldly down my back.  My feelings were mixed about the entire situation, so mixed that the dark brown haze blurred the reality around me.  I was so happy that Riddick had come back but was in no way pleased with the demeanor he brought with him.  I was tired of the control he had over me and even more irritated by the way he knew how easily I could be manipulated.  It really made me wonder if it had been that easy with all the guys I went out with…probably.

But at the same time I could feel the excitement in the pit of my stomach, the heated feeling between my legs.  I started thinking about the last time and how close we had come to crossing that line, sinking into each other and sealing the emotional bond between us.  Would we get another chance and if we did was I prepared for what would come after it?  I have no idea.

I was dragging my ass after my shower and I just couldn't feel motivated enough to hurry like I had the morning before.  The real reason was I would have to pass the living room to get to the door and it was something I didn't want to deal with.  But the time had come as I scooped up the last of my things and was finally ready to leave so I took a deep breath and held it forcing myself to move.  I needed to act like it didn't bother me, that the fact the Riddick was sleeping on my couch didn't bother me.

What bothered me most of all, though, was when I did begin to pass the living room, when I finally got up enough courage to do so only to discover it was empty; as if no one had been there at all.  I quickly glanced over my shoulder but I was alone.  Straining to hear anything unusual was useless when it came to Riddick.  I backtracked and looked into the kitchen but it was empty.  I checked everywhere in the whole stinkin' apartment, the balcony, outside the front door but there was no sign of him anywhere. 

I noticed the time and cursed under my breath; I was gonna be late for work and I didn't know if I should leave Jack alone or continue looking for Riddick.  No, I couldn't just leave without saying anything so I went back to my bedroom to let Jack know what was up.  I gently placed my hand on her shoulder and shook her.  She moaned in acknowledgment.

"Jack," I whispered so I wouldn't startle her.  "Jack, honey.  Wake up."  I shook her again a little harder and got her to roll onto her back.  Her eyes opened slowly, blinking the sleep from her vision.  She focused on me and I waited a second until I was sure she would remember the conversation.

"What?" she mumbled.

"I have to go to work but Riddick stepped out for a bit so I wanted to let you know that you'll be alone for a awhile."

"Okay," she said and closed her eyes again, rolling back onto her side.

Well, hell…if she wasn't worried about him 'stepping out' than I shouldn't either.  She probably knew him better than I did anyway but it didn't ease the cold feeling in my stomach that was now making my lower back ache.

Reluctantly, I grabbed my things again and headed out of the apartment, hoping that I might run into Riddick somewhere along the way but at the same time I was hoping I wouldn't have to confront him right now…I was already late enough for work.

I couldn't stop thinking about him.  Work was keeping me busy but I kept getting distracted.  Where the hell could he be and when exactly did he leave?  My mind was screaming with all the possibilities but settled on one in particular.  Riddick left.  Stuck me with Jack and walked away.

My hand moved to the phone to call Jack but I forced it away.  By calling that meant I felt something more for him than I should…or wanted.  Even if it was just to check on Jack to make sure she was okay, Riddick would see something different in it if he happened to be home.

_Focus Eden, focus.  You have a ton of shit to finish here before you can leave and it's not going to help if you keep thinking about Riddick._ 

Sure I finally focused but it didn't stop the thoughts; I just found a way around them.

My hands were shaking all the way home and no matter how much I stretched them, wiggled my fingers, balled them into tight fists, they wouldn't relax.  Work had completely stressed me out but the flip side to that was how much stuff I actually got done.  It was enough to make the next week and a half a piece of cake.  So what I was feeling now was just the after affects of kicking my own ass but I couldn't lie to myself…it was Riddick, it was the whole crazy situation that had my nerves shot.

When I finally got the door open, I stepped into the dim apartment and heard the vid screen on.  I turned towards the noise but was so afraid to lift my eyes to see who was watching it.  I couldn't bring myself to discover that Riddick was truly gone.

"Hey Eden!" Jack's sweet voice called out from the hallway.  I turned my head in her direction and really looked at her.  She didn't seem distraught or upset in any way, the way she might feel if Riddick had left her.  There was a glimmer of hope forming in the back of my mind.

"We were just going to watch a movie."  The word 'we' caught my attention immediately and my head snapped back to the right, taking a look into the living room.  And there sitting on the couch, foot on the table in front of him, heavily muscled arm draped across the back of the couch, was Riddick.

I could not believe the absolute feeling of relief that flooded through my system.  He hadn't left…he was still here.

Riddick was watching me intently, boring holes right through his goggles, burning into me.  The smirk on his face told me he knew what I had been thinking.  I could not win with this man.

As I stared back at him I remembered everything I had been feeling at work.  The anger and frustration and I let all that replace the warm and fuzzy feeling I just experienced.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked, not bothering to keep the tension out of my voice.  He didn't move a muscle.

Jack had sat down next to him, munching on popcorn but when she heard me speak she stopped in mid bite and looked up at me.  I could see her from the corner of my eye but I couldn't look directly at her.  The anger I was feeling wouldn't allow me to elicit any kind of reassuring smile to her.

I turned and headed to the kitchen but took a quick glance over my shoulder to see that Riddick still hadn't moved so I stopped walking and cocked an eyebrow at him.  He took the hint but it was another three seconds before he made any attempt to get off the couch…still controlling the situation.

He effortlessly stood and moved carefully around Jack to avoid stepping on her feet and ran his hand almost lovingly over her head as he went.  There goes that affection thing again.  I could not for the life of me understand what kind of bond those two could possibly have.  A bond that a man like Riddick should never have, only because it seemed too impossible.

With my back turned on the most dangerous man in the Universe, I made my way to the kitchen and blinked a few times at the bright light against the white tile.  Until I reached the table and turned around, I hadn't realized I was gripping my bag tightly in my hands.  I tossed it onto the table and flexed my fingers but the tension was already moving up my arms and into my neck in hot prickly waves.

My anger was flaring but the cold hint of fear was creeping in.  I began doubting everything…my intentions, my questions…even myself.  But what could I do?  Nothing but wait for him to follow and it wasn't long.  Riddick entered the kitchen gracefully yet with an air of menace and he was on full alert as if he was expecting an attack and I guess in a way he should be expecting just that.

I didn't say anything as he made his way to the counter and leaned back against it, putting both hands on the edge.  He looked almost bored, like it was such a chore to have a conversation with me.

"Where were you last night?" I finally asked in a low squeaky voice.

"Where was I?" he asked back, almost sounding amused.

I cleared my throat and spoke again. "Yes, where were you?"

Riddick shifted his weight and crossed his ankles.  His gaze was on the floor but slowly moved up until it settled heavily on me.  The goggles hid his eyes but I didn't need to see them to know what he was thinking.

"Why do you want to know where I was?" he asked coolly.  I didn't have to think hard about that answer, it was just the sound of his voice that made me hesitate.

"Well…I feel that if you're going to be staying here I should at least know when you'll be coming and going."  I finally looked away from him and to the doorway, to anything but him.

"Is that so?"  He chuckled softly.  "You don't have to let us stay here you know," he continued as he push his hard body away from the counter and started towards me.  The movement caught my attention and I looked at him.  He was closer than I was expecting and my insides jumped and my stomach tightened up.

"Jack and I can walk right out that door and leave if that's what you want."  Riddick got right up against me and pinned me to the table.  He leaned in close and lowered his voice to a sensual purr.  "Is it?"

I was asking myself that same question and I knew the answer before I even had to think about it.  I didn't want him to leave but I couldn't let him think I was gonna let him run the show.

"No," I finally answered.  The contact with his body became too much for me and to my surprise, and I think Riddick's, although I'll never really know; I put my hands firmly on his chest and pushed him away enough for me to scoot out from between him and the table.  He turned as I moved behind him with a completely unreadable expression on his face.

"I guess that settles it then," he said.

"No, it's not settled," I replied, making sure to put some distance between us.

"Look…" he growled out and in that one word I was glad for the many feet of space separating me from the most desirable and most dangerous man of all time.

"I don't answer to anyone," he continued.  "Never have never will." He took a step closer.  I visibly tensed but he paid no attention to it. "And I don't think it should matter to you at all where I go and when I go.  Maybe…" another step closer, this one bigger than the last.  "…I go out to get laid, or maybe have a drink, or better yet…plan my next kill."  He said that last part smoothly, lingering on the word 'kill' almost lovingly.  A shudder tore through my body at the thought of him killing someone.  But this is who he is…a murderer and killing is what he does.

Riddick slowly dragged his tongue over his bottom lip, taking a quick sniff of the air and snorted in satisfaction.

"That bothers you doesn't it?"  He moved in even closer and I know he could see me shaking almost violently.  "At a loss for words?" he drawled.

"No," I finally said.

"No, what?" he asked.

"I'm not at a loss for words and yes it does bother me."

"Why does it bother you…my life has nothing to do with you."

"This isn't who you are." 

In one fast smooth motion, Riddick tore his goggles from his eyes, bathing me in their cold silver glow.

"This is who I am," he said through gritted teeth.  "This is what I am…what I've always been and what I'll always be."  Riddick placed his hands on the counter trapping me once again and crouched down slightly so we were eye to eye.  "Take a good look, sweetheart."

And that's what I did.  I looked so deep in his eyes in an attempt to find the Riddick I knew and although the shine job hid his true self I knew he was in there somewhere.  As slowly as I could, I brought my hand up to his face and gently placed my palm on his cheek.  He didn't flinch at my sudden show of affection but I could feel a change in the atmosphere around us.  The heavy, thick barrier was starting to weaken.

"I'm looking," I said quietly, "and I know this isn't the real you."  Riddick inhaled deeply but didn't move a muscle.  "I saw the real you…remember?"

Riddick suddenly stepped away from me, looking angrier than I've ever seen him and turned and left the room.  My hand was still in the same spot and slowly began to drop as I stood there by myself wondering what in the hell just happened.  Am I getting through to him or am I making it worse…making him retreat deeper into himself until there was nothing left.


	4. Chapter 4

**Pure Guilt**

**Chapter 4**

I could not believe that happened.  I could not believe that I LET it happen.  What was I expecting?  As soon as I opened my mouth it sounded like I was lecturing him, like he was my child and I was demanding that he follow my rules when I should know full well that Riddick doesn't follow anyone's rules…EVER.

But chills kept running through my body at the thought that I might have gotten through to him maybe just a little bit.  I remained motionless in the kitchen; his scent lingering in my nose, the feel of his body still pressing against my skin, the fear he made me feel still keeping my lungs restricted.  Did I step over the line?  Is there even a line to step over? 

When I finally left the kitchen I didn't even bother to see if he was in the living room.  I was pretty sure he was gone, walked out the door to what…get laid, get drunk, get murderous?  Who knows and who cares? 

I do…actually.

Jack wasn't in the bedroom when I came in and I figured she was still watching whatever video they had chosen.  Right then it didn't matter to me.  Riddick had drained me once again.  I don't even remember changing my clothes and climbing under the covers.  My mind shut down and I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep, which is something I needed but this kind of thing hasn't happened in a long time, not since Ned.  I learned from him how to shut down my thoughts and feelings so I wouldn't be hurt because pain was a constant thing in that relationship.  I didn't like the fact that I was reverting to that but it was the only way.

I woke up in the morning on my own and it was earlier than usual.  Jack was next to me but I had no recollection of her coming to bed.  Rolling onto my back and stretching slowly, I had to really concentrate on fixing the jumbled thoughts in my head to remember where I was, what day it was, and what happened last night.  And as soon as I remembered I groaned and pulled the covers over my head, wanting to stay in bed the rest of the day…hell, the rest of my life.

Sleep was far from me, though, and I was starting to get restless.  What I really needed was to go to work and keep myself busy.  That meant I would have to go past Riddick to get out the door.

"Oh stop it," I whispered to myself and threw the covers off.  As I was getting my things ready I realized that I needed to confront Riddick again but for a different reason.  I felt I owed him apology, as messed up as that sounded.  I didn't want there to be tension between us, not while he was staying here with me.  It's not something I want to have to deal with.

So, on my way out I decided to make a stop in the living room, that is, if Riddick was even home.  It all felt like the first time I jumped off the high dive.  The longer I stood on the edge, staring down at the water that started to look like glass, the harder it was for me to jump.  On the way back down the ladder, my heart was in my throat and I swore I would never do that again but I couldn't resist it.  I watched people do it without a second thought so up the ladder I went again and before my mind could even process what I was doing or what I would see when I got to the edge…I jumped.  The fall downward had my heart in my throat again but this time it was exhilarating.

I approached my 'high dive' and didn't let the fear or the realization get the best of me.  With my luck, Riddick was home, lying on the couch with his hands behind his head and he was awake, those cold silver eyes were watching me.  I must have not been thinking at all because I sat down on the table in front of the couch, maybe a little too close to the uncaged animal.  He only moved his head so he could look at me.  I was speechless but I wanted it that way; I needed to see how he would react to me first.

For a few minutes there wasn't a reaction at all and just as I thought there would be no reaction, Riddick sat up.  I didn't back up when he leaned forward and rested his forearms on his knees and clasped his hands together, even though I wanted to.  I kept my eyes on him and his eyes remained intensely focused on me.

"Uh, Riddick…" I started to say but stopped when I heard my words came out weak and shaky.  Breathing deep and clearing my head, I began again.  "Riddick, I want to tell you that I'm sorry."  He still didn't move or respond in any way.  "I had no right to tell you what to do."

He was watching me but still hadn't said anything.  I know he heard me but he was going to make this as difficult as possible so I did my best not to react to it.

"I need to get going to work but I couldn't leave without telling you…" I stopped speaking when I felt something on my leg and I slowly glanced down and saw that Riddick had slipped his fingers between my knees and was lightly running his fingertips in lazy circles.

"Look, I…" The light touch turned into a squeeze as his fingers slid behind my knee and forced my legs apart.  My train of thought was completely derailed and my heart threatened to explode when I felt the palm of his hand move up the back of my thigh.  This time I didn't try to speak; I knew he would just try some other tactic that would have me stuttering again.  The blood in my veins flowed hot and I could feel my lips growing warm and just when I thought he would kill me, his hand moved away from me.  But both hands settled on my knees before I could make anything of it.

I hadn't realized my eyes were shut and opened them quickly to find Riddick still had his eyes on mine.  He wasn't looking at my body or watching where his hands were going, he was watching for a reaction.  Whether he got the one he wanted or not, I couldn't tell but he wasn't through yet.  Riddick slid his hands all the way up my legs and squeezed hard enough to bring an audible gasp from my lips then pulled back, dragging me to the edge of the table.  My knees hit the couch and his hands moved to my hips and slightly around the back as his legs closed and held mine together so I couldn't get away.  I didn't realize I was having trouble breathing because all my concentration was on his fingers and how it felt to have them digging into my pants and the soft flesh of my backside.

If I wanted to move I would have, I wasn't paralyzed or anything I just wanted to feel his hands on me and it was then that I realized that I was feeling exactly what it felt like the first time he was here.

Riddick's hands changed position to my hands that were pressed down on the table.  He pulled them away and placed them on my knees, sliding his hands up my arms all the way to my shoulders.  He was 'feeling me out' so to speak and I was enjoying every minute of it, I just hope he didn't stop any time soon.  As he reached my neck I tilted my head back slightly and nearly moaned when he started rubbing gently. 

I finally allowed my eyes to close and immediately felt his thumb trail over my jaw to my bottom lip.  He made several passes before I couldn't stand it anymore.  I brought my head back down and rubbed my cheek into his palm and saw that he was not looking in my eyes anymore.  Those silvery eyes were gazing intensely at my lips and I could hear the unmistakable heavy breathing that once haunted my most intimate dreams.

Riddick moved in close and dipped his head so he could sniff my neck.  I could feel his nose moving along my jugular, down to my collarbone, making my skin break out in goosebumps and my nipples tighten.  With all the touching Riddick was doing, it was making me want the same thing so I moved my hands from my knees to his and felt the heavy muscle twitch slightly.  He paused just below my ear and didn't resume his tortuous exploring until I roughly slid my hands up his legs.

I could feel his lips moving lightly over my jaw to my chin, moving up to brush feather light over my lips.  Instinctively, drawn to him by some sort of gravity, I moved closer to him only to have him back up.  His breathing was harder than ever and I almost didn't hear him speak.

"You're gonna be late for work," he said quietly. The tone of his voice wasn't mocking or saying 'ha ha, I gotcha again'.  It was almost saying that even though he understood I needed to get to work, he still wanted this to happen; he was reluctant to stop, to let me leave.  But slowly he released my legs from his tight grip, allowed his hands to fall away from me and broke eye contact long enough to glance at the front door.

I was completely exasperated, turned on, hot in all the right places, and possibly insane from his touch to the point that when he turned back to me I became daring enough to kiss him.  It was simple, light, lasting only a few seconds but I felt that shock and I know he did to because his hands immediately went to my arms to hold me still.

It was me that pulled away and stood leaving him slightly confused.  Something I might have been proud of the day before; finally turning the tables on him but today was different.  I didn't want to leave him puzzled by my actions…I wanted to continue acting but I knew it would have to wait.

"I'll see you tonight," I said as I made my way unsteadily to the front door.  Riddick didn't say anything and he didn't have to.  I was pretty sure I knew exactly how he was feeling…hell, I was feeling the same thing.

I walked into work completely dazed.  My cheeks felt flushed and hot and my body tingled deep inside.  It's the first time since Riddick's been back that the air around him felt calm and safe.  There was no menace or hatred emanating from him.  All I felt was what I had felt before, his humanity, his emotion…the real him.

I sat down at my desk and absently looked through some papers while Holly's greeting fell on deaf ears.  Everything I did over the next few minutes was lost on me.  I didn't realize that my computer was fired up and ready to go, my phone was ringing, and I was scanning through some electronic files for…whatever it was I might have been looking for.  My mind didn't snap back into focus until Holly tossed a pile of disks on my desk in front of me.

I jumped and looked around me in confusion.  It took a few seconds to fully understand what was happening.

"Are you okay?"  Holly asked.

"Yeah…" I responded. "Why?"  I started sorting through the disks she gave me, trying to act all normal.

"Well, you didn't say anything this morning when you came in."

I stopped sorting, closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to ignore the scent of Riddick that quickly filled my nose.

"I'm sorry, Holly.  I've got a lot on my mind."

"Anything I can do?"

Her offer was sincere, I knew, but if she understood what the situation was, I doubt the offer would have ever left her lips.

"No, it's really no big deal."  Actually, it was a HUGE deal…a muscular, handsome, and deadly one.  "It's something I have to work out on my own."

She gave another smile and walked away.  I watched her briefly before immersing myself in work.  Not a whole lot to do but I managed to stay busy.

Near the end of the day I reached over and flipped on my mini-com system to listen to the news.  Nothing major was going on in the Universe or at least nothing interesting until about an hour later I heard the name Richard B. Riddick.  My attention was immediately snagged and my heart was in my throat.  This could not be good…not at all.  I don't think Riddick's name could ever be connected to anything positive.

As I listened, the newscaster spoke of the crash of the Hunter-Gratzner and the ensuing investigation.  They were heavily speculating on the outcome and were certain, or pretty certain that the convict I was now harboring was still alive, escaped off that planet, and was now walking among us, most likely armed and dangerous.

Shit, shit, shit, this is bad.  If people are aware that he might be out there somewhere, he'll most likely be spotted when he sneaks out to 'play'.

I quickly tied up loose ends while they babbled on about minuscule details of his past escapes and run-ins with the law.  Riddick had to know about this as soon as possible.

I could see out of the corner of my eye that Holly was watching me curiously, probably wondering why I wasn't staying late like I usually did.  Maybe she was thinking that I had a man waiting for me at home.  I had a man at home all right but it's not what she's thinking at all.

They were pretty much done with the news report by the time I cut outta there.  All the way home I watched my back, watched for anything unusual or anyone unusual for that matter.  Let's just say 'frantic' wasn't even close to what I was feeling when I got home.  But I was slightly relieved to see that Riddick was there, lounging on the couch, the vid-screen was off, the lights dim, and he was just staring into space; or maybe he was asleep.  It's hard to tell with those damn goggles on.  When I closed the door he remained motionless but I was pretty sure he heard it.

"Riddick," I said in a pitch slightly louder than a whisper.  Riddick's head slowly turned in my direction, in no hurry at all to look at me.  At that moment, Jack chose to come in and sit down next to Riddick, book in hand, completely oblivious to what was going on around her.  She glanced quickly to Riddick and upon seeing that his eyes were protected she commanded the lights on higher.

"Can I talk to you in the kitchen?"

This time Riddick didn't take his time getting up.  Whether there was a tone in my voice that he picked up on or the look on my face that got him in motion, who knows, but there was no hesitation.

He followed close behind me and when we stepped through the doorway I ordered the lights dim.  I guess I wanted to see his eyes for some reason.

"I heard…" My thoughts were disrupted when I turned around and saw his eyes fiercely, but without menace, trained on me.  They shimmered and glowed in the faint light and I was instantly mesmerized by them

I can't even explain how much I wanted this man at this very moment.  The need to touch him and be touched by him was so overwhelmingly strong that I decided to act on it.  I guess my fear of losing him again came to the surface because of that news report.

My legs had no trouble moving me in his direction and I felt no fear this time.  When I got right up to him he didn't flinch or back away so I snaked my arms around his neck and pressed my lips firmly to his.  He didn't just stand there like a statue…as soon as lip contact was made his arms went tight around my waist nearly crushing the air out of me.

The kiss was desperate like we needed something intense and real and we needed it now.   His hands smoothed over every curve of my body, roughly digging his fingers into me.  It wasn't enough for me and wasn't anywhere near enough for him.  I took a step back and Riddick quickly caught on and continued pushing me back and I forcefully hit the counter. Both of Riddick's hands went to the point on my body where I came into contact with the hard edge of the counter and rubbed the pain from my back, simultaneously slipping his tongue deep into my mouth.

His left hand slid to my hip and down, dipping slightly so he could reach the back of my knee, quickly pulling it up to rest my leg on his hip.  He stepped even closer to me and could feel the hardness of him pressing right in to my sensitive spot.  I would have gasped but his tongue and his taste and his lips were completely taking over me.

Riddick was moving against me, hard and slow, forcing me to press back against him; shuddering at the sudden pleasure.  I felt his thumbs hook in the waist of my pants and began to pull down.  I let my leg drop from him, feeling my pants move down slightly.  I wanted this, I needed to have him inside me but I couldn't let this get any more out of hand then it already was.

"Riddick," I managed to mumble against lips.  He pulled away but went right for my neck.  "I need to tell you something."  I squeezed my eyes shut as he gently bit me and I my pants slid even farther down.  His body was pressed so tightly to mine that I couldn't get my hands on his chest to push him away.  The only reason he made any room was because he reached one hand down to his pants to undo them, relieving the constriction against his erection.

"Riddick…NO!"  I had to say it loudly to get his attention.  And it worked.  He stopped, his hand remaining on the zipper and looked into my eyes.  "I heard a news report today."  He raised both eyebrows as if to say 'and?'  "They think you're still alive…armed and dangerous.  People might notice you now.  I don't think you should go out anymore.  It isn't safe."

Talk about a mood wrecker.  Riddick stepped away from me in anger.  He adjusted himself and glared at me. 

"I spent most of my life in Slam.  I think I can handle myself."  I wasn't sure if he was angry about the report or that I had stopped him from getting the pleasure he was so obviously seeking.

"I didn't say you couldn't.  I just don't want you to get caught…it happened once before."  What a shot to the ego. I regretted the words the second they left my mouth because I should know by now that big bad ass Riddick is never one to get caught.  Whatever.  But once again, I made it sound like he was a child and couldn't handle anything.

"Lady, I wish you could've been there," he said angrily as he moved in close once again.  "I wish you could have seen the shit Johns pulled to catch me, but for some God damn reason I'm still alive.  I managed to escape once again and I'm not gonna let those fuckers out there keep me in hiding…I'm not gonna let YOU keep me in hiding."

It hurt.  I had no idea what this Johns did and I'm sure I didn't want to know.  Everything he said hurt, biting right into me so I bit back.  "I'm not trying to control you, I…"

"I know control when I see it!" he yelled.

"Do you!" I yelled back.  "And why is that?  Cuz you're the expert at it?  You seem to be an expert at a lot of things but you can't seem to cut the shit in your head long enough to listen to someone else.  It always has to be on your terms…this is NOT who you are!"

"How the hell do you know WHO I am?" he asked.  I couldn't seem to explain it.  "That's right…you don't!  Now here's the deal.  I go out when I want, I do what I want, I'll come home when I'm good and ready, and you will have no say otherwise.  IS.  THAT.  CLEAR!"

I wouldn't answer him.  It wasn't out of defiance, it was mainly shock and I just knew that anything I said would make no difference.  He took my silence as an agreement and stormed out of the room, slamming the front door loudly behind him.

I was too angry to cry.  This kitchen must be a curse to both of us.  We can't seem to get along in here.  First he wants me then he so mad he can't even be in the same room with me.

"I hate this stupid kitchen!" I screamed aloud.

Jack was on my bed when I walked into the bedroom and I could tell by the look on her face that she had heard the conversation.  The tears glistening in her eyes were a dead give away. 

"What's wrong, Jack?"  I asked gently as I took a seat beside her.  She looked away from me and sniffled.  I let the silence take over the room, giving her the time she needed.  After what seemed like forever, she finally turned to me and focused her big blue tearful eyes on mine.

"It scares me when he leaves," she said in a hoarse whisper.  That statement was something I understood full well.  I nodded and put my arm around her.

"Has he left you a lot before?"

Jack kept her gaze on me but shifted her position, turning more of her body to me. 

"Only when something was really bothering him.  I never knew what it was but I always knew when it was coming."  She sighed and closed her eyes.  "He hasn't walked away like this since a few weeks after we got off that planet."  I could feel there was more so I kept my thoughts to myself.  "And since we've been here I can feel it again.  That he was going to walk out at any second.  But this time I know what it is."  She opened her eyes and her stare was heavy, making me draw away from her slightly.  It was like I knew what the answer was before she even said it.  "It's you."

My mind must have stopped working but at the same time it was working in over drive.  What could I say to that?  It almost felt as if she was accusing me of making him leave.  But there was a clear desperation in her voice that made it sound like I could fix all this.  That somehow I could fix Riddick, fix the pain and hatred that dwelled deep inside him.  I didn't know if that was possible now.  Part of that pain and hatred had my name on it.

"It'll be okay, Jack.  He'll come back."  I pulled her close to me so she couldn't see the uncertainty in my eyes. "I know he will."

I didn't sleep at all.  Jack was out like a light after we talked.  Emotional turmoil can do that to you.  But my mind was on a rampage of sorts and I couldn't keep my thoughts in any kind of discernible order.  First I was thinking about the way Riddick's lips felt against mine; how much at home I felt in his arms…then just as quickly, my mind focused on the anger I saw on his face at the mention of the news report and the way he stormed out of my place.

Irritated beyond belief, I threw the covers off and got out of bed.  Jack didn't move a muscle.  I paced my bedroom for a while until I needed more space to vent, more room to ease the pain in my stress filled body.

I stepped out into the hall and walked towards the living room, unintentionally keeping my steps quiet; something I've been doing since Riddick came back.  The whole point of my little trek was to walk to the living room, turn around walk back to the bedroom and continue the process until I was too tired to walk or was too damn dizzy to see straight, but as soon as I got to the living room I froze.

Riddick was standing at the double doors to the balcony, slowly moving his head from side to side; scanning the area just like he had once before.  My heart twisted up inside, bringing on real pain.  I knew that man.  I knew the man that was standing guard on my place.  I knew him so well I wanted to scream it to the world, but I remained quiet and watched him…watched how the image of him blurred as the tears filled my eyes.  I was hoping to God and to anyone willing to listen that the real Riddick was finding his way out and that the two sides of him could finally join together peacefully.

Thanks for all the reviews.  Life's been tough lately but you guys make me smile.


	5. Chapter 5

**Pure Guilt**

**Chapter 5**

My life is such a mess. It seems like it's always been that way and I've never been able to fix it. Just when you think things are good they go crashing right to hell. Well, I think I'm in hell now.

I've never been very good at reading people. If I had I never would have ended up with Ned. Riddick is completely impossible to read. I don't dare try anymore because first he acts almost, and I mean ALMOST, affectionately towards me and then the next second he looks like he's ready to kill.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe ignoring him is the thing to do but I know that's not gonna work at all. Hell, every time I see him I can almost forget his angry streak and see the side I really want to see. The side that can't resist me, the side that needs to touch and kiss and hold me. But who am I kidding…I don't think it's meant to work out.

Over the next couple days this ignoring thing was actually easier than I thought. That's because Riddick was the one doing all the ignoring. It's like I didn't exist to him anymore. Nothing could make him even look in my direction and when he happened to pass by me in the hall he never once acknowledged me. He didn't stick his nose up in an obvious form of disinterest; he really acted like I wasn't there. For how things were going I probably could walk right through him and I wouldn't disrupt him at all.

Jack was another worry of mine. Although I occasionally saw his affections toward her I could also see she was retreating deeper into herself. She was still upset about the fight the other night and I'm sure my attitude wasn't helping. I must have seemed like a cold heartless bitch but I couldn't make myself act lovingly to her or even talk to her the way I used to when she first arrived. I kept to myself and it was beginning to put a strain on my emotional well being. The signs are very clear…I've done this all before.

Riddick went out more often and stayed out longer, probably to avoid me. All I could do was sit at home and wonder what the hell he was doing. Sure it was none of my business but that wasn't going to stop my imagination from running into overdrive. Just the thought of some strange woman pleasuring him in ways I never had a chance to do was painful enough to bring on the worst headaches.

The sun had been down for a long time when I finally opened my eyes. Jack was sound asleep next to me. I don't even remember her climbing into bed. My eyes slowly adjusted to the dark room as I stretched and pulled the covers off of me. I got out of bed and carefully walked out of the bedroom and down the quiet hallway, not sure where I was headed or what my intentions were. I was just following myself.

When I reached the living room, I could see Riddick's shadowed form lying on the couch. No covers, no shoes, no shirt, no goggles. His eyes were closed but that didn't tell me if he was sleeping or fully awake and aware. My body was very aware of his presence, though. I could smell him in the room; I could feel him all around me and as my body continued to move toward him, I didn't try to resist.

Even as I slid my body onto his…no resistance. The hard muscle and smooth skin below me only woke my desires even more. I came nose to nose with him and saw that he had opened his eyes. The tickle of pleasure moved down my spine as I felt his hands caress my back. The pressure increased as his arms came around me and he held me tight against him. My lips pressed against his and he responded passionately, slipping his tongue into my mouth. I don't remember ever feeling this kind of kiss before. It was so deep I could feel it in my toes.

I took my time, getting a really good feeling of his lips; memorizing the fullness, shape, and softness. It will always be a wonder to me how this part of this man could be so unlike the rest of him.

Riddick spread his legs and I slid in between them, feeling his growing hardness against my hip. He made an almost inaudible groan in his throat as I settled there. I ran my hands down his chest to his hips and pushed, lifting myself so I could move my legs and straddle him. The quiet groan he was restraining was finally released as I settled onto him pressed the rest of my body to his stomach and chest. Riddick's hands moved to my hair and pulled me back to his lips, sucking gently on my lower lip. I moved my hips slowly in a rocking motion; rubbing myself against him and feeling him grow even harder.

As I felt the tingling of my eminent orgasm increasing, Riddick dragged his tongue over my jaw to my ear, taking it between his teeth.

"I remember," he whispered.

Before I had a chance to respond to that things went fuzzy. When my head cleared I was sitting on my bed trying to figure out how I got here. But it didn't matter, Riddick remembered and that's what really mattered.

I jumped from the bed and ran down the hall to the living room. Riddick had just stood up when I entered but froze when he saw me. He took a quick look down the hall and cocked his head, listening for any unusual sounds. I got right up to him, feeling my heart pounding painfully hard against my ribs. His gaze slowly fell onto my face and his eyes bore into me, slightly lifting a questioning eyebrow.

"So you remember?" I said with some apprehension.

"Remember what?" he asked.

He asked it so sincerely that my words tripped over each other and I had to stop and think. Was I going crazy? Did I not hear him say that he remembered? Could I have been asleep? That wasn't such a crazy thought but I didn't want to believe it. It was too real for it to have been a dream.

"Before," I said, my tone coming down a notch or two. "Us, before…you know, the first time you were here." He still had that look of uncertainty on his face. "The things we did," I continued; glancing down at his body, then mine before meeting his eyes again. The rush of excitement was quickly draining from my system.

"And what, exactly, do you think I remember?" I was stunned by the question and for a moment unsure how to answer it. Riddick waited patiently as I knew he would.

"What happened between us," I finally said. "Can't you at least feel it if you can't remember?" Riddick's features shifted slightly in realization, like he just got the joke I told him. He broke eye contact to throw his head back and laugh; a deep booming sound that shook my insides. Before he was even through, he stepped forward and forced me to move back until I was against the wall, pinned…again.

"What is it you thought we had?" he asked all serious now. "No, don't answer," he interrupted my thoughts, "lemme guess." He pressed his body to mine, making me feel every inch of him. "You thought we really had something going, like what…love?" My mouth dropped open as if to speak but he continued. "If you knew me at all you'd know that love can't exist in me."

"It can…I've seen it." I forced the words out before my throat tightened up to much from emotion.

Riddick paused for a minute and looked over my face; he searched so deep into my eyes I felt like I was being violated but I couldn't look away.

"How do you know it was real?" he asked in a quieter voice still full of anger. The change in his tone broke the spell and I was able to look away, suddenly doubting my feelings, doubting what I was sure he had been feeling as well.

"How do you…" he stopped in mid sentence and placed his fingers on my jaw and forced me to face him. "Look at me." And I did but couldn't see him through the blur of tears stinging my eyes. "How do you know I wasn't faking it? How can you be sure I wasn't using you for a safe place, or a warm bed, or even…" Riddick's gaze slid down to my throat as his hands roughly skimmed up my sides to my breasts, giving them a less then gentle squeeze, "…a warm body."

"I don't think you're that good, Riddick," I said strongly.

He chuckled quietly, easing the sound into a deep growl. "You have no idea how good I am."

I can't describe the different emotions swirling through my veins at that point. I was hurt by his words and I hated him, yes, the word hate came to mind. But there was still a tiny part of me holding on to the little piece of hope I always thought I had; the thought in the back of my head that said he wasn't being honest when he said these harsh things. How could I convince him?

I decided a more forceful action was needed, mainly to relieve some of the pain I was feeling. So, I put my hands on his chest and pushed him away as hard as I could, actually making him stumble back.

"I hate you!" I bit out as nastily as I could. Turning away from him I headed for the front door only to be stopped by him as he painfully gripped my arm. He spun me back around in the next second, anger filling his eyes and body.

"You don't know the meaning of the word hate!" he yelled in my face. "Not until you've been me and seen the things I have seen; or done the things I have done."

I watched the hate swirl in his eyes and knew the things he had gone through were more than anyone would ever have to deal with but it didn't mean I didn't know what it felt like to hate. I lived with it for too long.

"Well, Riddick, it sounds like you don't know me that well either. I lived with a man for too long and learned the meaning of the word hate but you know what?" I paused but wasn't expecting an answer and I didn't get one. "I still managed to remember what love felt like and that's only because of you."

There was definite shock in his silver eyes but the menace still surrounded him. And he did it again; he looked so deep in my eyes that I could almost feel him inside my head, searching around. The sensation increased, making me feel jittery and extremely uneasy.

I had to get outta here; I had to be far away from him. Something felt wrong, it felt off and although I couldn't put my finger on it I recognized the feeling to flee.

As I ran from my apartment I realized that it wasn't necessarily a feeling of danger but more like he had some kind of power over me. No, not power, more like he could read me. Like he could get inside my head and read every single thought I had or he could know every thing I was feeling. I ran because it's not something I want him to know. He's now made it pretty clear how he feels about me and the last thing I need is to be hurt because I reveal all my feelings to him only to be rejected.

So, I walked and walked until I didn't recognize the neighborhood. Walked until the quiet streets turned into the usual madness of big city bars and clubs. I was in more danger here than I was with Riddick but I hardly noticed. It took me a moment to realize the bar I just passed was frequently visited by the one true evil in my life…Ned. At first I couldn't feel the eyes on me. That familiar feeling that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, made my heart flutter not in excitement but in fear.

By the time the strong hand gripped the back of my neck, the connection I made had come too late. I knew who it was the second I felt the slimy cold fingers touch my skin. Ned always gripped my neck under my hair. He wanted to feel skin, wanted the kind of power that came with that kind of contact.

"Hey, darlin'," Ned slurred close to my ear. Great. A sober Ned was bad enough but put a few drinks in him and he could become unmanageable. My mind flashed right back to Riddick and I wished more than anything that he was by my side or that I hadn't been stupid and ran off.

I squirmed away but his fingers only squeezed harder. Ned was never one to let go easily unless it was his idea. I'm kind of surprised I haven't run into him sooner.

I kept walking and he kept right by my side. My mind was running over all the ways that I could try to escape and all the ways he would stop me. Sure, we were in a public place but nobody would give a shit and if they did and they knew Ned, they still wouldn't come to my rescue. He seemed to own people wherever he went.

Ned slowed down, forcing me to slow down, and forcefully guided me down the side alley of the club. My heart was racing so hard because I knew how this was gonna end and I knew I had to do something fast. I looked all around me for some kind of weapon and not finding one didn't come as a surprise. Things never worked out like that.

I felt my back hit the cold brick wall and I shut my eyes tight trying desperately not to feel Ned's body pressing up against mine, trying not to acknowledge the growing hardness in his pants. It never mattered how drunk Ned got, he could still get it up if wanted it bad enough. I know it wasn't me he wanted, it was the control…the power he used to have over me. But he wasn't going to get that satisfaction.

"I've missed you," he whispered hotly against my ear. I didn't draw away or even tremble at those words even though they disgusted me more than anything.

"Well, I can't say the same thing for you," I responded more strongly than I thought I would. Ned pulled back and grabbed my chin roughly, forcing me to look at him.

"What'd you say?" he asked, his anger now flaring.

"You heard me," I said. I was walking on extremely thin ice and I didn't know where it was coming from. Must be Riddick's attitude rubbing off on me. But I had to remember I didn't have Riddick's strength or killer instinct. Not to mention his quick reflexes. I couldn't react fast enough to Ned's raised hand and it wasn't until the sudden sting on my right cheekbone that I figured out what had happened.

My vision blurred and I barley felt the hot blood trickling down my face. Ned's hand came around my neck, squeezing just enough so I couldn't say anything. What's really sad about the whole situation is that I was suddenly in a comfortable position. How messed up is that? Ned's hand around my neck had become such a regular thing that it's something I started to get used to.

I could hear Ned fumbling with the zipper of his pants and freeing himself before his hand came to the button of my pants. He roughly rubbed his hand on my bare stomach, managing to pop the button open. It made me completely ill to have his hands on me. I could barely stand the feel of it.

But then the feeling of Riddick's hands on me came to surface. How gentle the psychotic killer was. The soothing way his hands caressed my skin and the strong arms that wrapped around my body.

And this is when I made my choice…be a victim or start living again. Pain or pleasure. Oh, I made my choice and it didn't include Ned in anyway…except for one last little bit of physical contact. My knee to his groin. Ned's hand tore away from my throat as he fell to the ground. The high pitch squealing sound he made was like music to my ears. Ned was holding himself and writhing on the ground in a way that made me smile. He deserved it even though it wasn't anywhere near what he really had coming.

Satisfied that Ned wasn't going anywhere for awhile, I quickly got my ass out of the alley. I walked home quickly but took the long way so I could compose myself. As I went I wiped the blood from my cheek and stopped briefly at a window of a shop to look at my reflection. No way I could hide the mark on my face, which means I have to come up with an explanation to what happened. Wait a second…that was the old me. The one always trying to hide the abuse, whether it was physical or emotional. Hell no…not this time. If Riddick asked what happened than I would tell him the truth. I owe it to myself.

The closer I got to home the more exhausted I felt. I just wanted to crawl into my nice warm bed and stay there for a very long time. What I didn't expect was Riddick sitting on the steps leading up to my place. I was so startled that I stopped dead in my tracks and just stared.

"You know," the deep, sultry and yet so serious voice tickled my ears, "a lot of people think an ex-con, or a con in my place, doesn't have a mind…doesn't use it there for would have no use for memories."

I had no idea what he was talking about but I didn't say anything; I slowly climbed a few steps and listened. Riddick kept his head down as he spoke, his fingers laced together resting on his knees, and his voice steady and unchanging

"There's nothing you can say or do that would make me run from you."

My words passing from his lips threw me off only for a moment. I remember saying those EXACT words but I was confused as to why Riddick knew them. My mouth dropped open slowly but I had no intent to really say anything. Riddick raised his head, glittering eyes flashing slightly. I met his intense gaze and watched as his features shifted from stone cold to almost surprise. He stood up quickly and moved down the steps to stand in front of me.

"What happened?" he asked as he moved the hair from my face. I had completely forgot about my injury but remembered it all as Riddick gently ran his fingers over the cut. I ducked my head down and turned away; more puzzled by his sudden concern for me than the worry of having to tell him about Ned.

Riddick moved around me until he was in front of me again. His hand moved to my face and forced me to look at him. "Who did this?" he asked his tone dark and angry.

"His name is Ned," I started. Riddick remained quiet; knowing there was more. "I used to date him. I haven't ran in to him until tonight and…"

"You know Ned? Frequent bar junky?"

I nodded, confused again as to how he knew Ned.

"Son of a bitch," he muttered heatedly under his breath as he stalked past me and headed down the street. I don't know why it was a surprise to me that Riddick would know Ned; I was sure that in the past little while, Riddick had hit every bar in town more then once and there was no doubt in my mind that he would have run into Ned at least once if not more.

I watched as Riddick disappeared into the night. He remembered something…something I had said to him a long time ago and I guess I should have followed him to find out what he meant by saying it, find out if he really did remember everything, but he was probably just leaving in anger like he always did. If only I had known what was going to happen.


	6. Chapter 6

**Pure Guilt**

**Chapter 6**

I threw my things down on the floor as I made my way to the bathroom, not happy at all by the recent events. My cheek hurt, Riddick confused me now more than ever, I was afraid something bad was going to happen, and I didn't know how much more of this I could take.

The light in the bathroom was bright and it stung my eyes but I left it on that way as I leaned in close to look at my cheek. It wasn't too bad but it was more than I wanted to deal with. As I turned I saw Jack from the corner of my eye. I looked toward the doorway and saw her peeking in at me.

"Hey Jack," I said. "It's not as bad as it looks." She crept in a little bit more. I went back to cleaning it and stopped. "Riddick didn't do this," I said, wanting to clarify that.

"I know," she whispered. "He likes you, he wouldn't hurt you." A strangled laugh escaped my throat and I know I looked just as confused as I felt.

"Really," I said, the words tinged with doubt.

"Yeah." Jack came all the way into the bathroom. "But he's afraid."

"What?" I wiped the dried blood off my cheek and looked at Jack. "Riddick's not afraid of anything."

"Yes he is. But I couldn't figure out what it was about you that scared him…until now." I continued cleaning the cut, trying to fix myself up and not show my curiosity.

Jack stepped right up to me and put her small hand on my cheek and made me look at her. She nodded slightly and gave the barest hint of a smile.

"Yep," she said examining me closer. "You have the same eyes as she did." My mouth dropped open and my brows came together in confusion.

"She?"

"Yeah…our pilot, Carolyn."

I pulled away from Jack and sat down on the edge of the tub. "Your pilot? Why don't you start from the beginning."

Jack stayed where she was to tell her story. "Remember when I told you about the crash?"

"I remember," I answered.

"The pilot, Carolyn, kinda took charge of those who were left, and she seemed about the only one of the adults that wanted to give Riddick a chance. She knew we needed him but the others were too afraid. In the end, you know, when the lights went out because of that eclipse, all these creatures came out of hiding. Riddick was the only one who could get us to the ship we used to get outta there." She paused and I could see something on her face that told me the experience was a lot more terrifying than it sounded.

She took a deep breath and continued. "Riddick got us to safety but he ended up far behind. Carolyn went out in the rain, surrounded by those monsters to save him. But only Riddick came back…injured and a completely different man. His injuries were really bad and I thought he would die. He told me on the long trip back that Carolyn had died trying to save him and if he bit it than it would be like a slap in her face. He wasn't going anywhere."

A lot of what I was seeing between Riddick and Jack was starting to make sense. They both had survived something so horrible, which has now bonded them for life.

"I'm sorry, Jack." I whispered, feeling her pain. Now I understood Riddick's behavior. Why sometimes he could be so close and connected to me and then suddenly push me away. He could see Carolyn in my eyes.

"He's afraid to get close because he might lose you too," Jack said, finishing my thought.

I motioned for Jack to come to me and she did, falling into my open arms and sobbing. I tried to keep my voice strong and said, "You guys aren't going to lose me." She held me tighter and we stayed that way until I felt her drifting off to sleep.

I picked her up, surprised by how light she was, and took her to the bedroom. I layed her on the bed, lying next to her and she cuddled up to me, both of us quickly falling asleep.

A sound startled me from sleep and I looked around the room, pulling the covers off. There was nothing there but as I glanced toward my open doorway I could see a light coming from somewhere down the hall. I untangled Jack from myself and slipped from bed. Quietly, I walked down the hall to the bathroom. The light was on and the door was opened just a crack. When I reached the door I pushed it open a little and peered inside. Riddick's reflection in the mirror glanced over and caught my eye. I didn't flinch as he reached over and pulled the door open.

"Come in," he said quietly. "I don't wanna wake up Jack."

I stepped inside and he closed the door, letting his arm brush against me as he went back to the sink. That's when I noticed he was hurt. There was a cut on his shoulder, one on his forearm, and his knuckles were bleeding.

"What happened?" I asked in shock as I moved to his side. Riddick pulled his shirt over his head and threw the bloody mess to the floor. There was a bruise forming on his side.

"Riddick," I demanded.

"Just the usual," he said as he examined his side in the mirror and deciding it was minor moved on to his shoulder.

"That's bull shit," I said loudly. I cringed and looked toward the door, lowering my voice so I wouldn't disturb Jack. "I've never seen you come home like this before."

"Don't worry about it. It's not as bad as it looks."

"'Don't worry about it' he says…God!" I ripped the washcloth out of his hands. "You come to my place for safety and I'm not supposed to worry when you're hurt and bleeding."

"I'm not hurt," he said, lightening his tone, a small smile reaching the corner of his mouth.

"Shut up and stand still," I said as I started to clean the cut on his shoulder. He remained very still as I worked and he was right, they weren't bad at all; not deep enough to need stitches.

I felt no fear of him anymore. Now that I understood where he was coming from and now that I know he doesn't actually hate me. If he got angry again then I would get in his face and make him deal with it.

"So, tell me what happened," I said as I started to clean the cuts on his hands.

"Eden, it's not a big deal."

I couldn't respond right away; it still surprises me when he says my name. "Yes it is," I said. "I wanna know what happened." I retrieved the rubbing alcohol from the cabinet and waited patiently.

"Well," he started. "I had a little run in with your boyfriend."

"You what!"

Riddick inhaled sharply as I spilled the rubbing alcohol on his knuckles.

"Riddick, what did you do?" I put the bottle and washcloth down and looked at him. My heart started pounding so hard it hurt. When he didn't answer right away I continued. "Did he do this to you?"

Riddick looked down at his arm and shook his head. "No, a few of his goons got a few good hits in before I got to them."

"Figures," I grunted. "Leave it to Ned to have someone else do his dirty work."

Riddick laughed quietly and picked up the bottle of alcohol to finish the job. "Ned was there but he was looking a little under the weather, kinda limping a little too." He cocked an eyebrow at me, threw a quick glance in my direction and I knew that he knew. "What did you do to him?" he asked.

"I kicked him in the nuts," I said and he laughed. A laugh that actually sounded genuine, sounded pleased and so real. I could feel a strange warmth spread through my belly.

"Well, I tell ya…it made my job a lot easier."

I tilted my head and bit my lower lip, trying to figure out what he meant by that. Did he just rough him up a little or did he finish him off.

"Riddick," I said gently but filled with uncertainty. "What did you do to him?" I didn't care his he offed Ned, it was the repercussions I was afraid of. The fact the Riddick would do something like that for me made me feel confused and special and wanted all in one.

He could hear and see what I was feeling and thinking. "Don't worry. He's still alive. Might not be feeling to wonderful right now but he won't be bothering you again."

I was speechless. I didn't know where to start and I had so many questions fighting around in my head that I just stared at him. And he stared back. Watched me carefully as he put the things away, his eyes never leaving mine.

I finally found my voice and I felt calm and as the words passed my lips they were steady. "Do something for me," I said. Riddick gave a slight nod. I moved in front of him and hopped onto the counter. "Look at me."

"I am looking at you."

"No," I said shaking my head. I reached for him, took him by the arm and pulled him close to me. "Look into me like you did earlier." He looked a little unsure of what I was asking but he did it anyway.

He made eye contact and I started to feel that strange sensation again. Like he was searching for something inside me.

"What do you see?" What I saw was something different than before. Instead of the cold shimmer I was used to, I watched as the colors in his shined eyes swirled warmly and melted together, making my insides heat up instead of freeze.

"I see you," he said quietly.

"Come on Riddick. What is it you see in me. Who do you see?"

Riddick seemed to think about it for a minute before he realized what I was asking. He stepped away and broke eye contact.

"You've been talking to Jack, haven't you?" he asked as he retrieved his shirt from the floor.

"Yeah, she told me what happened to you guys." Riddick paused, looking down at his shirt, then gave a slight glance in my direction.

"She told me about Carolyn."

Riddick tossed the shirt onto the counter and put his hands on his hips, closing his eyes. I waited…waited for a response, waited for Riddick to walk out, waited for anything. But what I never saw coming was exactly what I thought would never happen.

Riddick closed the distance between us and pulled me into his arms. His lips immediately went to mine and the shock wave went right to my toes. I wrapped my arms around his neck as the kiss deepened and I could taste him, that familiar taste that sent my body over the edge. This is what I wanted. To feel that intensity we once had but actually both be aware of what could happen and what it all meant.

There was no faking this time, no reason to tease or pull away to hurt the other person, leaving them frustrated and unsatisfied. I knew exactly what was going to happen if our clothes came off. That's when I felt Riddick's hand underneath my shirt, squeezing my breast gently and I needed more but my bra was still on. So I pulled away just enough to reach behind me and undo the clasp. My breasts fell free and Riddick grabbed both of them, rubbing and pinching my nipples. I couldn't keep quiet. It felt so wonderful to be touched by him. It made me feel alive…powerful.

My hands went to his chest, feeling the smooth expanse of muscle and skin. He twitched slightly as my nails scratched over his nipples. The deep groan he released ignited my nerves to a melting point. I felt his tongue trail over my lips, down my chin, across my jaw to stop just below my ear.

"Do you want to stop," he whispered huskily. I knew if I said yes that he might not be able to restrain himself.

"No," I said in a forced whisper.

My agreement seemed to relax us both. There was no more restraining, no more confusing feelings, no more waiting. Riddick's hands slid around to my back and he pulled me as close to him as he could get me and with my arms wound tightly around his neck, I pulled him to my lips for a deeper, body shaking kiss that made the room spin and the world disappear.

I gently sucked on his tongue as his hands roamed over my back, slowly inching lower and lower. My hands moved to his face, fingers tracing lightly over his ears and over his cheeks. Riddick found the hem of my shirt and began to pull it up but neither of us could pull away long enough to get it off. So, he gave up and slipped his hands around to the front and lifted my shirt over my breasts and quickly wrapped his arms around me.

The contact of my sensitive nipples to his warm skin nearly made me cry out. It felt like such a relief to finally FEEL him again. And this time we weren't concerned about the state of one's mind or if it was morally right…this was going to happen and I wasn't going to do anything to stop it.

Just as I moved my hands away from his face and down his chest, heading for his zipper, an ear-splitting scream sliced through the air. Riddick ripped away from me so fast I stumbled off the counter and nearly fell to the floor before I ever realized what was happening.

The sound of Jack screaming echoed in my head as ran after Riddick to the bedroom. By the time I got there Riddick had Jack in his arms and she was clinging to him for dear life. I watched silently from the doorway as her rocked her. He didn't say a word but his presence, strong arms, and steady heart beat calmed Jack faster than anything could. I made no move to interfere. As funny as it sounded, this was more Riddick's territory than mine; he knew what needed to be done and that he was the only one who could do it.

Riddick's gaze finally met mine, his eyes glowing in the near dark. As cold as they should have looked, there was no fooling me now. They were warm and inviting and as long as I looked into them there would be nothing to change that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Pure Guilt**

**Chapter 7**

I made my way to the living room, leaving Jack in Riddick's capable arms. Crashing to the couch I could feel the effects of Riddick's touch on my body. My thighs were trembling slightly; there was an almost uncomfortable heat between my legs. I threw an arm over my eyes and took a deep breath, blowing it out loudly. My heart was still pounding from Jack's scream but more from the feel of Riddick's lips against mine.

There was only so much I could take of this. Whenever I think I've reached the end of my rope I discover there's more left than I thought. It still doesn't help emotionally or mentally to go through this kind of conflict day in and day out. I feel like I'm going to crack any second.

I ran my hands over my face and tried to take a deep breath. My mind kept going over everything that's happened in the past few months, trying to make sense of something…anything. My frustration mounted the more I tried to figure out what was going to happen. I never liked being left in the dark even though it was something I got used to with Ned. I shouldn't say I had gotten used to it. It was just another thing to endure during the relationship, if that's what you wanted to call it.

Riddick was different and the whole situation was different. I still didn't know how to approach it. The warmth in my belly hadn't subsided…it was actually spreading. I draped my arm over my eyes and squeezed them tightly shut. I was determined to block everything out if I could possibly help it.

I don't know how long I was lying there or if I actually dozed off but I suddenly felt a feather like touch on my arm. Moving sluggishly I let my arm drop to my side and opened my eyes just as Riddick sat down on the other end of the couch.

"Is Jack okay?" I asked as I moved my feet out of his way.

Riddick sighed quietly. "She'll be okay one day."

I pulled myself into a sitting position, shaking the cobwebs out of my head and reached out to touch Riddick on the shoulder.

"Is there anything I can do."

Riddick finally looked over at me, leaning in to my touch. "I don't think there's much either of us can do but be here for her." Riddick shifted on the couch so he was facing me. "One day the nightmares will fade and she'll understand how to fight them."

I nodded in understanding and looked away for a moment thinking myself. Was he saying that we both need to be here for her? Or just me because he would be leaving? Or just him because he was taking her with him? I pushed the thought aside and focused on something else.

"Do you have nightmares?" I asked, daring to take a peek at him. He looked me right in the eyes.

"Every night," he replied honestly, without hesitation. So, Riddick is just like the rest of us.

"How can you go to sleep every night knowing you'll have nightmares." This time he looked away seeming to think about his answer.

"Well," he started slowly. "It becomes a part of you. Reminds you that life isn't wonderful all the time and you need to keep on your toes." He glanced back at me and smiled slightly. "Plus, you get to the point where you know it's only a dream…nothing real but your mind messing with you."

"That can't be a good way to live. Nightmares all the time, having to keep on your toes, never getting a chance to relax." Riddick just looked at me. He understood where I was coming from and he also understood that trying to fight the inevitable was pointless.

I moved closer to him and began massaging the back of his neck. My next question was more out of curiosity than necessity.

"Do you ever dream of me?" I almost regretted asking but I couldn't shut myself up.

Again, without hesitation and absolute honesty in his voice Riddick said, "Every night."

For a split second I wondered if Riddick was putting me in the nightmare category but that thought quickly vanished when I saw the look on his face. We were silent for a moment but I could feel the heat between us as we stared at each other.

Riddick moved first and forced me to lie back. I moved my legs out from under him so he could settle on me. He didn't kiss me just moved the hair away from my face and let his gaze travel over me. It didn't feel strange this time, it felt right. I felt so relaxed my body slowly became limp. I was more exhausted than I thought and Riddick knew it too.

My eyes began to close, fluttering slightly as I tried to keep them open. Riddick shifted his body so he was lying next to me and his lips gently caressed mine as I turned and snuggled closer to him. Now I could feel his power. I now felt exactly what Jack has been feeling since she met him. You couldn't help but feel safe in his arms. The world would disappear and you knew you would be protected. As much as I wanted more to happen with Riddick I think I wanted to feel this more right now. I didn't know when it would all end.

I know I must have dreamed about something but I couldn't recall what it was. Maybe Riddick chased all the bad dreams away. I shifted in his arms and opened my eyes and meet warm swirls of color. It had only been a couple hours but I doubt he slept at all. He literally watched over me the whole time. I traced my finger down his cheek to his chin not saying a word. For now all I wanted was to feel the silence of the room, listen to Riddick's steady breathing, look over every detail of his face so I would never forget this moment.

Riddick remained still and unaffected by my visual assault. He seemed to understand that I needed to remember this side of him. But it wasn't long before I had to touch him. I let the tips of my fingers gently slide down the side of his face, feeling the delicious sting from his whiskers.

He didn't move at all but his breathing changed slightly when I touched him. I let my fingers slide over his jaw to his neck, pausing long enough to feel his pulse before moving to his chest. Riddick pulled away so I could touch him, allowing just enough space for my hand to travel. I reached his pants and moved my hand to his hip and down over his leg. My eyes followed as I rested my forehead on his chest, nuzzling under his chin.

I rubbed my cheek against him, turning my face up so I could breath him in. My lips dragged over his neck as I felt his hand on my back pulling me closer. He moved the hair away from my ear and moved in close so he could whisper.

"You know…you feel the same as you did months ago."

I froze in place, letting his words sink in. Riddick was silent as I thought about what he just said. It was a couple minutes before I was able to pull back and look him in the eyes but I still couldn't speak.

"I remember everything," he said quietly. I didn't know whether to hug him or punch him. The torture he's been putting me through since he walked back into my life. But I needed to remember that Riddick is a guarded man right down to his feelings and no one in this Universe could make him rush when it came to any kind of decision. It took him this long to tell me that he remembered, which can only mean he wanted me to know for a very significant reason. I'm not sure what that reason would be, though.

"You remember all of it?" I asked hesitantly. He gave a slight nod and ran his fingers lightly over my cheek.

"I wasn't in my right mind but when I snapped out of it I still remembered everything."

"And why are you telling me this now?" I asked, letting the confusion show in my voice.

His eyes finally left mine and slowly traveled to the window. He took a deep breath before refocusing on me with an answer.

"Jack told you about Carolyn."

I nodded, reminding myself to breathe.

"She gave her life for mine."

It seemed that this was hard for him to get out so I waited patiently, slowly running my hand over his arm soothingly.

"You went through a lot of shit with me when you didn't have to. You could have walked away from the whole situation and wash your hands clean of it. But you toughed it out." Riddick took my hand and put it around his neck and pulled me close. "I've encountered a lot of people in my life and there are so few like you left," her finished in a hushed tone.

I didn't know what to say so I just held onto him tighter. I let what he told me settle in my head and breathed slowly to let the shock of it all leave my system. This is what I've wanted more than anything, to have him remember it all when he walked out the door the first time. His words of denial and anger had stung at the time but right now I accepted the fact that he had to protect himself, that humanity hadn't got a hold of him yet.

"So, why did you walk away from me that night as easily as you did?" I asked.

Riddick didn't pull away, just held me tighter. "I couldn't let was I was beginning to feel for you keep me in one place for too long. It was too dangerous."

I waited a few more minutes and enjoyed listening to the beat of his heart before I spoke.

"Riddick," I whispered.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Tell me about your life."

Riddick sighed audibly and tensed. "Is this something you really want to hear?"

"Yes," I replied without hesitating.

Riddick pulled himself out of my arms and sat up. I followed suit and got comfortable next to him. I watched his face intently as he thought about where to begin.

"It's been a rough road," he started. Unsure if that was the way he wanted to go. I put my hand gently on his arm to urge him on.

"I've done things in my life to survive that you wouldn't approve of. I served time for good reasons…most of the time. I'm a convicted killer…an escaped convict…a man that isn't safe anywhere in the Universe and isn't safe to be around." He dared to take a glance in my direction and I guess he was expecting me to look disgusted because the look of shock was apparent on his shadowed features but there was no disgust here.

"This is all stuff I already know," I said, giving his arm a squeeze. "I want to know the details of your life."

Riddick took a breath and told me his whole story from the beginning up until now. It was a sad and very scary story but none of it changed the way I felt about him or the way I saw him. Normally this kind of information would make a person run in the other direction but I wasn't about to go anywhere. Riddick, on the other hand, was sure to be moving on soon. They couldn't stay here forever…we both new it but I was compelled to ask.

"Riddick," I whispered in the stillness of the dark room. He must have sensed something was coming or could tell by my voice because he turned towards me and leaned in closer. "You're gonna leave…aren't you?"

Riddick held my gaze for a long moment and my heart just pounded against my ribs. I guess I was hoping that he would say no, that he would be with me forever but when he lowered his head, drawing his eyes from me I knew what the answer was.

I inhaled a sob and swallowed it down. No sense in crying over something I had no control over. I looked down and stared at my hands clasped tightly in my lap not realizing that the tears had escaped. It was too dark for me to tell that my vision had blurred and my heart was so overwhelmed that the tears were unknown. That is, until Riddick gently wiped one from my cheek.

I tried to let the anger in, tried to let it flow from me. That was something I could cope with so I swiped away the tears and stood up. I know more than anybody that life is unfair but I just want one thing to happen that I want to have happen.

I walked over to the window and crossed my arms over my chest. I thought I was doing a good job letting the anger out but it was kinda strange that it still felt like sadness. The knife inside me was doing its job well. There was a definite hollow spot that was growing bigger every second. You would think that if you were empty inside it wouldn't hurt so bad but that's not true. The pain is almost too much to take.

I heard Riddick get up and I knew that if he touched me I would break down and I don't think I would recover. This was too hard and when I felt he was getting closer and about to reach for me I said, "No, please." My heart clenched painfully and I almost couldn't get those words out.

All was silent behind me but I didn't turn around for a very long time. I just stared out the window into the night and fought every second to keep it together. But once in awhile a tear would run down my cheek but I reigned in my emotions even tighter. I couldn't allow myself to step one foot into the dark despair that I've known too well before. It was a cold place that would surely kill me this time.


	8. Chapter 8

**Pure Guilt**

**Chapter 8**

I watched as the dark sky began to lighten up and I didn't even realize I had been standing at the window for so long.  When I dared to take a look over my shoulder, Riddick was no where to be seen. I was so torn by the whole thing. Part of me wished he was still there and the other part of me was glad he wasn't. Either way, it hurt like hell. I wanted to fill the emptiness inside so bad but I had no idea how.

The exhaustion overwhelmed my body and I was forced to leave the window before I fell over. I kind of welcomed my body's need to sleep. At least for awhile my mind would only dream of things that aren't real and I could escape from the pain of what my life had become. If I could run away I would. Instead, I collapsed on the couch and fell into a dream world of monsters, zombies, and bad guys all chasing me down.

Morning turned to afternoon and as the light began its fade into darkness I finally pulled myself up off the couch. The room seemed fuzzy to me. Actually, everything I looked at was blurry and seemingly unreal.

I needed a shower, my hair felt all yucky, and my stomach was reminding me that I hadn't eaten in awhile. But first I had to check on Jack. I was kind of worried that no one had woken me up and I doubt I was in that deep of sleep to not have heard anyone come into the living room.

As I eased open the door the shock of the empty room took a moment to settle on me.  There was no Jack and no Riddick. I realized that the house was completely silent as if no one but me had ever been here. Maybe I missed out on the goodbye that I knew had been looming in the near future. I hoped not and was slightly relieved when I saw Jack's battered backpack sitting on the floor near the bed.

I rushed back down the hall and quickly checked the bathroom on the way to the kitchen…empty. The kitchen was empty as well and I scanned the room for some kind of note but didn't find one. I had no idea where to start looking for the two of them. They could be anywhere in this big city. But I took off out the door anyway and ran down the stairs two at a time to at least try to find them. There was no way I could sit at home and wait for them to return…or not return for that matter.

The streets were busy tonight but I managed to block out the hustle and bustle of all the people trying to get some action, whether it was in a bar, a street corner, or an alley. I had to figure that Riddick wouldn't take Jack into a public place considering his status as a deceased ex-con. Especially after what he did to Ned and his goons.

A couple times I thought I had spotted Jack but it turned out to actually be a boy. I never thought I saw Riddick, though. You can't mistake that physique for anybody else. Either it was him or it wasn't. I think I searched for an hour when I finally decided to go back home.

My stomach was in knots, my arms felt numb, and my heart was pounding. I took the long way home and tried to breathe away the stress and relax my muscles a bit. On the way I passed old shops, some closed and some still open even at the late hour. There was an old TV shop that had their display TV's in the window switched on to the news and I glanced blankly at them until I saw Riddick in full color right there. I stopped dead in my tracks and ran up to the window. Putting my hands on the window and getting so close that my breath fogged up the glass I tried to hear what was being said. What was on was some kind of report that I've seen before when they're looking for someone. Riddick's full name came up on the screen and a mug shot of him but the eyes I saw in that picture were a deep brown. Soulful eyes but the smirk on his face told a different story. They flashed through a part of down town that I was familiar with and I knew then and there that someone recognized him and the planet would now be on a ghost hunt.

"Oh shit!" I yelled and continued to repeat the phrase as I turned and ran as fast as I could back home, hoping the whole way that they would be there. Something had to be done but I wasn't sure what. Somehow we needed to get them off this planet or hide them out. Jack certainly had to go with him because if someone recognized her she would be questioned to death.

My place was getting closer but I was afraid that they still wouldn't be there and I needed to find Riddick fast. As the stairs leading to my front door came into view I had a burst of energy and bolted two at a time up them, crashed through the door and nearly knocked Jack down.

She let out a yelp just as Riddick ran into the room.  I fell to my hands and knees, trying to catch my breath as Riddick crouched next to me and put his hand on my back.  I could hear him asking questions but I couldn't make out some of the words. It felt like my lungs were going to blow. He finally grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me to my feet and turned me to face him. I met worried eyes and I tried to calm down enough to tell him what was happening.

"They know," I said, forcing the air from my lungs.

"Who?" he asked as he gave me a little shake.

"Everyone. They all know you're here and they're looking for you as we speak."

I could feel Riddick's grip on my arms tighten. All I could do was hold my breath. After my fingers began to go numb he finally let go.

"They don't know," he said as he turned away from me.

I was dumbfounded. Either he didn't hear me clearly or he didn't believe me.

"Riddick, I know what I saw and I know what I heard. You're not going to be safe here anymore." As the words left my lips I felt the sharp pain of sadness stab through me. I just put into words the one thing I didn't want to happen. Riddick would have to leave and I made that real by giving it a voice.

I suddenly had no more energy. Just the thought of what I would have to do and what I was going to have to go through was suddenly overwhelming. Would he take off without a word, would he take Jack with him or leave her behind, or would he be stubborn and stick around. Maybe he wanted to be caught. Being in Slam the rest of his life meant not having to feel. The animal could come out and no one would give a rats ass that the human in him fled for good.

"Like I said…they don't know." Riddick turned and walked out of the room and into the kitchen.

I shook my head and took a deep breath. He obviously didn't understand how hard this is going to be on me. Not only did he have to leave but now I was going to have to force him out. Could it get any worse?

I made my way to the kitchen and gently ran my hand over Jack's head on my way. The look in her eyes wasn't of horror or anger…it was defeat. She must have known the day would come when Riddick would leave the only ones in the Universe that loved him.

As I stepped through the door Riddick was making something to eat, acting as if this were a normal evening. Something inside me snapped and I stalked up to him, knocking the glass bowl from his hand, not caring that it shattered on the floor.

"You have to listen to me!" I yelled. He didn't even flinch when glass chards pelted his arm. "This is not a game. These guys are serious and given what you're worth, they'll do whatever they have to do to get their hands on you."

I couldn't tell if he was listening or not. His eyes looked cold and indifferent.

"Are you listening to me?"

"It's hard not to with you yelling in my face," he growled in anger.

"We have to do something and we have to do it fast," I said.

Riddick finally focused on my eyes and said, "What do you mean "we"?"

The shock of his words and the hate rolling off him froze my next sentence to the tip of my tongue. He was completely ready to forget everything that happened. I was the one who had told him to basically leave me only just the night before. I guess I didn't think he would do it so easily.

"Are you ready to be caught? Ready to go back to that hell and maybe never come back? I can help you but for that to happen it has to be "we". I don't think you can manage this one on your own."

Riddick nearly chuckled. "I don't need any help getting away. It's what I'm good at."

"I would have to agree with you on that one," I spit out in anger. The look in his eyes was fiery but he held it in. "You can't make light of this," I continued. "You're in serious shit. So are Jack and I and we've got to make plans to get you out of here."

"Why do you want to get involved in this? If you think you're in danger now just give it time. It always gets worse."

"I'm involving myself because I care about you you ignorant bastard," I yelled as I shoved him back against the fridge. "You are the only one I've met that I would give my life for."

"Don't," he said as he pushed away from the fridge and moved around me to leave the kitchen. "I'm not worth it," he said over his shoulder. He headed for the living room and I followed slowly. When I reached the living room he was talking quietly to Jack and she was nodding, tears streaming down her face.

Riddick looked over at me and I met his gaze steadily. "Time for a plan," he said as he grabbed his bag off the floor near the couch. "And you're not going to be involved in this. You're already in it too deep."

"What about Jack?" I asked as I moved closer to him.

"Jack knows what she needs to know and only when she needs to know it." He turned back to Jack and put a hand on her shoulder. "Everything clear for you?" he asked her.

"Yeah," she said, her voice cracking.

"This is something we've been preparing for. I need you to be sure."

I watched on feeling like a ghost. Like I never belonged here or anywhere.

"Riddick," I said as I walked up to him. He put his hand up to stop me.

"No." He slung the bag over his shoulder and headed for the door. "You're staying here and if I find out you came looking for me you'll be in a world of shit."


End file.
